Support for Parents & Loved Ones
How you can help
There probably is nothing worse than watching your loved one suffer with an eating disorder and feeling completely powerless. It’s common to feel overwhelmed, angry, scared, helpless, confused, blamed, marginalized, defensive, frustrated, panicked.. and a million other emotions when an eating disorder shows up in your family.
So what do I do?
You may want start by learning more about eating disorders, or encourage your loved one to attend a support group or attend one yourself. You may want to learn more about public healthcare through Alberta Health Services or perhaps you want to connect directly with our EDSNA staff to ask a specific question. Or maybe you want to support EDSNA’s efforts to raise awareness, dispel stigma by booking a presentation, ensure more resources are available by donating or give your time through volunteering.
Whatever steps you need to take to support your loved one’s recovery, EDSNA is here to help.
Accessing Treatment
Supportive documents when seeking treatment
EDSNA’s Checklist for Talking With Your Doctor
This checklist helps you guide the conversation with your family doctor & ensures a thorough assessment is done. Most treatment facilities require a referral from a doctor, so this is an important step.
Hospital-based treatment programs in Alberta
Alberta Health Services: Addiction and Mental Health – Information for Albertans
Find the right service for you – choose the region you are in/nearest you:
Alberta Health Services: Addiction and Mental Health – Crisis Team, Child and Adolescent
Location: Stollery Children’s Hospital
The Crisis Team offers immediate crisis support through the Crisis Line to children / youth, aged 5-17, and their care providers. The Crisis Team also provides support to professionals in the community. Therapists will determine, together with caregivers, if additional services (e.g., a crisis risk assessment) are required at the time of the crisis call. Services by the mobile response team include:
- provide a risk assessment of the child/youth and the environment
- assist child/youth and their caregivers to develop a safety plan
- provide support and education to caregivers about mental health concerns and behavioural challenges
- arrange a referral to other services as needed
Alberta Health Services: Resources available 24/7
- Emergencies (with wait times) : Call 911, or go directly to your nearest emergency department
- Health Link: Call 811
- Addiction Helpline: 1-866-332-2322
- Mental Health Helpline: 1-877-303-2642
Alberta Health Services: ACCESS Mental Health: Calgary Zone
Location: Calgary
Clinicians help people navigate the addiction and mental health system, in the Calgary Zone. They are familiar with both Alberta Health Services and community based programs and will explore options and direct/refer clients to the most appropriate resource to meet their needs. Access Mental Health is a non-urgent service. Anyone is invited to call for information and options for addiction and mental health services.
Accessing Support
EDSNA’s Support Groups
More information about EDSNA’s professionally facilitated support groups for caregivers:
Understanding this Complex Illness
NEDA Toolkit for Parents
The NEDA Parent Toolkit is for anyone who wants to understand more about how to support a family member or friend affected by an eating disorder. You will find answers to questions; signs, symptoms and medical consequences; information about treatment and levels of care; and questions to ask when choosing a treatment provider.
National Initiative for Eating Disorders (NIED)
National Initiative for Eating Disorders (NIED)
Download NIED’s special booklet Understanding Starts Here that includes sections on Eating Disorder Recovery, Approaching Someone with an Eating Disorder, Tips for Parents, Families, Spouses & Significant Others and Resources.
More-Love
More-Love.org is an online resource that empowers parents to raise kids who are free from body hate and eating disorders. They educate parents about weight, food, and mental health and seek to reduce the fear and shame parents feel when their child has a problem with body hate, disordered eating, or an eating disorder. They believe full recovery from an eating disorder is possible, and we support a Health at Every Size® approach.
Health at Every Size (HAES)
The Health At Every Size® (HAES®) approach is a continuously evolving alternative to the weight-centered approach to treating clients and patients of all sizes. It is also a movement working to promote size- acceptance, to end weight discrimination, and to lessen the cultural obsession with weight loss and thinness. The HAES approach promotes:
- balanced eating
- life- enhancing physical activity
- respect for the diversity of body shapes and sizes
- flexible, individualized eating based on hunger, satiety, nutritional needs, and pleasure, rather than any externally regulated eating plan focused on weight
control.
The dietitians listed on the EDSNA website all practice utilizing the HAES perspective.
ED Matters Podcast
Series of podcasts on Eating Disorders, ED Matters: The Gurze/Salucore podcast airs once a week, featuring interviews with the top experts in the field of eating disorders, sharing information for individuals recovering from eating disorders, their loved ones, clinicians in the field, and other individuals, professional or otherwise seeking to learn about eating disorders. Includes healthy conversations about eating disorders. 245 episodes currently.
Brainstorms Podcast
Brainstorms is a 2016 podcast dedicated to teenage neuroscience. It features an interview with Dr. Erin Parks, UC San Diego Eating Disorder Center. Discusses:
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the range of eating disorders, including ARFID and orthorexia
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the neurobiological, genetic, and psychological roots of eating disorders
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how culture and personality traits are associated with such disorders
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how science has shed light on development and treatment.
Cornell University – Self-Injury and Recovery Resources
Cornell University – Self-Injury and Recovery Resources
Research and insight into self-injury. Resources and tools useful for those seeking to better understand, treat, and prevent self-injury.
ED says U Said- Eating Disorder Translator
ED says U Said- Eating Disorder Translator
This book aims to improve communication between someone with an eating disorder and their friends and family by revealing the eating disorder mindset and decoding language choices
BREATHE – A Guide To Communicating With Hospital Triage Personnel
BREATHE – A Guide To Communicating With Hospital Triage Personnel
A one page guide to help parents and loved ones talk with hospital triage personnel.
NEDA – The Stages of Recovery
This page breaks down recovery into five stages and a possible sixth stage.
Inside Out – Institute for Eating Disorders
Inside Out – Institute for Eating Disorders
A screening tool for eating disorders developed by Inside Out, an Australia Institute for Eating Disorders.
For further reading, refer to the media library on this page.
Workbooks, Guides, Videos, and other Activities
EDSNA’s Book List
EDSNA maintains a list of books that parents/caregivers might find helpful. A full list is available here.
A few books that we recommend:
- How to Help your Teen Beat an Eating Disorder by James Lock. Thousands of parents have turned to this compassionate guide for support and practical advice grounded in cutting-edge scientific knowledge. Experts explain what you need to know about eating disorders, which treatments work, and why it is absolutely essential to play an active role in your teen’s recovery.
- Skills-based Learning for Caring for a Loved One with an Eating Disorder by Janet Treasure. Skills-based Caring equips carers with the skills and knowledge needed to support those suffering from an eating disorder, and to help them to break free from the traps that prevent recovery.
- Anorexia and Other Eating Disorders: how to help your child eat well and be well by Eva Musby. Helping you free your child of an eating disorder. Many other resources, videos and audios also on website.
Kelty Mental Health
The Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre connects you to resources and information for every stage of the eating disorder journey. They have developed many videos and tools to help parents and families, including the:
These materials explain ways to provide structure and support to youth with eating disorders before, during and after meals.
Videos are available in English, Korean, Traditional Chinese, Simplified Chinese, French and Punjabi.
Resources from Lived Experience caregiver Eva Musby
Resources from Lived Experience caregiver Eva Musby
Parent caregiver Eva Musby has compiled books, toolkits, and other resources for parents of individuals with eating disorders, especially anorexia and other restrictive eating disorders. Includes parents’ meal support tips.
Resources from Lived Experience caregiver Eva Musby
Parent caregiver Eva Musby has compiled books, toolkits, and other resources for parents of individuals with eating disorders, especially anorexia and other restrictive eating disorders. Includes parents’ meal support tips.
The Family Eating Disorder (FED) Manual
The Family Eating Disorder (FED) Manual
This project includes feedback from clients and families about what does and does not work when trying to support someone with an eating disorder. Based on the principles of Family-Based Therapy (FBT).
Developed by Dr. Laura Hill.
Kartini Clinic for Children and Families
Kartini Clinic for Children and Families
Resources, videos, blogs, treatment and research about eating disorders. Includes research into applied and practical messaging for parents.
Article and Video on Eating Disorder
Article: “Eating Disorder Traits as Strengths in Recovery”
This article, written by a Social Worker with Lived Experience, outlines how some of the traits that are common to eating disorders can also be strengths in recovery, recovery maintenance eg. persistence and attention to detail.
Video: Eating Disorders Meal Support: Helpful Approaches for Families
This video provides strategies to help parents, caregivers and families provide structure and support to youth with eating disorders before, during and after meals.
F.E.A.S.T’s Around The Dinner Table forum
F.E.A.S.T’s Around The Dinner Table forum
This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers.
Kids Help Phone letter template
Kids Help Phone letter template
This letter building tool is intended for people who identify as having an eating disorder and want to get better. The purpose is to help point out the impacts of the eating disorder on your life, and to help pull out some of your strengths and to reflect on what keeps you going. A great template to help your child write a letter to the eating disorder.
Emotion-Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) Resources
Emotion-Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) Resources
EFFT teaches participants how to be their loved one’s emotion coach– helping them process and regulate emotions in a healthy way.
- More information about the principles of EFFT is available here >>
- Workshops are often offered through Mental Health Foundations >>
- Parents can also refer to this document to learn more about How to Become your Child’s Emotion Coach
Mental Health SOS guide
If you think you, or someone you know, might be affected by a mental illness, help is at hand. This guide offers advice on recognizing the distress signals. It will help you know how and when to act. Includes information about panic attacks, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and other scenarios.
Support Videos
Video: Eating Disorders from the Inside Out (Dr. Laura Hill TEDxColumbus)
Dr. Hill examines anorexia, a biologically-based brain illness. Her approach is to treat food as medicine: pre-planned, pre-dosed, and prescribed.
Video: Supporting Youth with Symptoms of Binge Eating and Purging: Helpful Approaches for Families
If Your Loved One is an Adult
Adult Eating Disorder Recovery
Adult Eating Disorder Recovery
Provides online meal support, 24/7 text message support, pro-recovery forums for adults with ED, and a number of free resources including podcasts, and number of Guides and Contracts and Survival Tips for Holidays.
NHS Self Help Guide (UK)
NHS Self Help Guide (UK)
Developed by healthcare professionals in the United Kingdom that can help the person with the eating disorder start to understand their illness and assess their readiness for change.
Kelty Mental “From Survive to Thrive” Guide (client version)
Kelty Mental “From Survive to Thrive” Guide (client version)
This Guide is intended to provide information as an aid to people struggling with eating disorders to help in the development of healthy strategies to overcome these disorders. The Guide was written by individuals who have experienced an eating disorder and the Guide contains their suggestions on how to reduce disordered eating behaviours.
Video: How to Help Someone You Care for
The Eating Disorder Recovery Podcast
The Eating Disorder Recovery Podcast
This podcast covers all aspects of eating disorder recovery from the science behind understanding what an eating disorder really is, to implementing effective, and above all, evidence-based treatment.
Article and Video on Eating Disorder
Article: “Eating Disorder Traits as Strengths in Recovery”
This article, written by a Social Worker with Lived Experience, outlines how some of the traits that are common to eating disorders can also be strengths in recovery, recovery maintenance eg. persistence and attention to detail.
Video: Eating Disorders Meal Support: Helpful Approaches for Families
The Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI)
The Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI)
CCI has produced resources for consumers and healthcare professionals to assist in providing interventions for mental
health problems such as depression, bipolar, social anxiety, panic, self- esteem, procrastination, perfectionism, and eating disorders. The eating disorder modules cover topics such as:
- overcoming disordered eating (parts A & B)
- depression
- building body acceptance
- facing your feelings
- improving esteem
- coping with panic attacks
- overcoming perfectionism, social anxiety, and worry
Parents using this resource may wish to discuss these with their child’s clinician, to ascertain the ways these modules may be helpful.
Article: “9 Lessons I’ve Learned While Supporting an Adult With An Eating Disorder”
Article: “9 Lessons I’ve Learned While Supporting an Adult With An Eating Disorder”
A caregiver lived experience’ list outlining one individual’s experience in supporting their adult child through their eating disorder recovery. From BEAT UK
Supporting Siblings, Partners, and Friends
EDSNA recognizes that the role siblings, partners, and friends play is supporting recovery is different than that of a parent.
Tips for Siblings
Tips for Siblings (from: Eating Disorders Victoria – AUS)
Siblings are also very affected by eating disorders. This fact sheet was created by an eating disorder association in Australia to explore the feelings of the “well sibling”. Sometimes, we wonder what to say, or not to say.
Language that Helps
Language that Helps or Hinders Recovery
A document of specific language tips to support recovery, developed by a nurse who specializes in eating disorders.
Additional Supports
Kym Piekunka has launched a website to give siblings of those with eating disorders a voice. There are tools, resources, and videos for siblings to help them support not only their loved one but also themselves. She and colleague Bridget Whitlow have also co-authored an article about the sibling experience.
Managing the Holidays
It isn’t just you..
For families and individuals affected by eating disorders, the holidays can be extremely stressful. Everywhere you turn there is food, food and more food. Every holiday gathering seems to involve food and the expectation to eat “like everyone else” is intense.
Extended family may say things that are extremely triggering and loved ones may yearn for “just one day” that isn’t focused on the eating disorder. High expectations and the hope of a Hallmark version of the holidays set everyone up to fail. Shame and intense pressure to measure up can trigger a downward spiral.
In short, the holidays can be a complete gong show for families affected by eating disorders.
1. Acknowledge the eating disorder
Acknowledge the eating disorder exists, that it’s real, and that it’s not a choice. Like other serious illnesses, it can’t be postponed or put off for one day, or one week or one holiday season. You wouldn’t ask someone with cancer to change their diagnosis for the holidays, so it’s unrealistic and unfair to expect someone to stop having their eating disorder “just for one day”.
2. Develop a plan
Develop a plan as a family (or as a couple or as friends) to deal with the illness over the holidays. What days/events/meals are the likely to be the most challenging? What plans can be adapted, changed, modified or avoided to reduce the likelihood of exacerbating the illness? How can we make this holiday season more focused on being together and less focused on food?
3. Have some extra supports in place
If you are the person with an eating disorder, review the articles at the end of this section for coping with the holidays– you may want to put some extra supports in place in anticipation of the season. These resources will outline suggestions for ways to prepare for the holidays, including how to prepare if you are the person hosting a meal which will include someone with an eating disorder.
4. Inform other members of the family
We understand that disclosing about an eating disorder is difficult, but eating disorders thrive on secrecy. That’s why we suggest, in advance of the holidays, that you inform other members of the family of the illness. If Aunt Bertha and Grandpa are completely in the dark about eating disorders, educate them. Give them concrete examples of what to say and what not to say. Dispel any myths or misunderstandings they may have about eating disorders. (Resources included below)
5. Develop a back up plan
Develop a Back Up Plan. Even with the best-laid plans, unexpected situations may arise. It’s a good idea to have an exit strategy to allow the person with the eating disorder a safe way to de-escalate or manage the symptoms. You may want to establish a private signal that the person with the eating disorder can give which lets you know they are experiencing a lot of distress so that you can support the back up plan kicking into action. Knowing this safety net exists can be very comforting for everyone involved.
6. Start new traditions
Start new traditions. What events or activities can you add to focus the holidays on the joy of being together without including food? Can you go for a walk to look at the Christmas lights? Attend a Christmas concert? Have a snowball fight, go skating or tobogganing? Help a senior decorate their house with Christmas lights? Drop off clothing for a women’s shelter? Make paper snowflakes with children? Have a scrap-booking night or puzzle night or game night or home-movie night? There are many ways to show and share love that have nothing to do with food. Choosing to add these to your family tradition can be a tangible way to support your loved one with an eating disorder and show that you “get it.”
7. Be kind to yourself and others
Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Whether you are the person with the eating disorder or the loved one who is supporting them, remember this season is all about love and love starts with you taking care of yourself.
